State of Mind.

It's a strange place to be on the cusp of life where anticipation leaves you numb. It should be promising, having meaning, method and trance to your life but instead it's left me heavy-hearted. The kind of pain which encompasses you after a break-up where you thought you knew what was happening and all of a sudden you're left alone, surrounded with sympathy and uncertainty and antiquated memories. You know it's for the best but can't believe or understand why it's so difficult to allow yourself the moment.

The moment. It has come, its in the works, the sun is on the horizon, setting allowing for the brand new day to become my sanctuary. No matter how pink the sunset, and how the water meets the sky, I could just sit, for an eternity and gaze into it's vast emptiness. As I feel, within my soul. Empty, crowded, flattered, amazed,confused. It should be easier.

They say I'm running away, I think I am running towards. Towards what? A new life, a lie? A beginning which needs no prologue? Do I need a huge change, as large as this or is it the world's way of conspiring to help me meet my challenge?

I will find out, shortly. Until then I'll watch the orchids bloom.