White washed castles and showers of love

White washed castles and showers of love
I asked for a river, you created an ocean.
I searched for a flower, and found your blossoming garden.
I ask for too much, you give more than enough.

I look for answers, and you ask me more questions.
I search for an ending, you remind me of the forefront.
I run for my life, you create a new existence.
I have a dream and a future, while you aim for consistency

I run kicking and screaming, but end up at your door step
I try crying and composing, but end up with a poem
I ask for an hour, get stuck with a year
I aim for a moment, and end up counting heart beats.

White washed castles and showers of love
Showers with petals of fall, spring and all
Castles with dreams, empty but livid
A dichotomy of emotion, but you are hegemonic.

State of Mind.

It's a strange place to be on the cusp of life where anticipation leaves you numb. It should be promising, having meaning, method and trance to your life but instead it's left me heavy-hearted. The kind of pain which encompasses you after a break-up where you thought you knew what was happening and all of a sudden you're left alone, surrounded with sympathy and uncertainty and antiquated memories. You know it's for the best but can't believe or understand why it's so difficult to allow yourself the moment.

The moment. It has come, its in the works, the sun is on the horizon, setting allowing for the brand new day to become my sanctuary. No matter how pink the sunset, and how the water meets the sky, I could just sit, for an eternity and gaze into it's vast emptiness. As I feel, within my soul. Empty, crowded, flattered, amazed,confused. It should be easier.

They say I'm running away, I think I am running towards. Towards what? A new life, a lie? A beginning which needs no prologue? Do I need a huge change, as large as this or is it the world's way of conspiring to help me meet my challenge?

I will find out, shortly. Until then I'll watch the orchids bloom.

Arundhati Roy

To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget. --Arundhati Roy