Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Nostolgia/Anticipation


So it's vacation time. A time to rest. A time to sound off in peace. A time to not think about the mundane, trivial, every-day sagas which seem to outline my life. Its a time to wake up late, watch terrible reality television and read mindless books. A time to just be.

And a time to reflect.

It's great-this vacation. Today, I spent the day feeling nostolgic. So I did it. I went and visited old familiar-what was once the mundane, banality of my existence-my old workplaces.

I started off at State Farm. The job I got sophomore year of college which I lasted in for a year. And what a year it was. New beginnings, my first real office job with responsibility, a boss, deadlines, to be on time and of course co-workers. I was the youngest and most bright-eyed but careful employee that office saw, and I loved it. Because they liked me. They appreciated me. They wanted to me stay there. And a year flew by. I took morning and evening classes so I could work there during the busy times. I learned how to be punctual, that mistakes were in human nature and learned the value of having a real job.

And bonuses.

After my stroll down memory lane, I kept driving and eventually reached Sony. A place I called home for three years. The place where I received my first full time offer and the place which made me realize that numbers, as much as I hated them, were my friends. I would travel every day in college and every day when I graduated to this place called Sony. 3 years. A ton of new directors and the occasional mishap, but soon enough I realized that this isnt what I was meant to do forever. This wasn't what fueled my fire, where my passion lay. This wasn't me.

And so I left. Well they gave me the option and I chose NYC.

And well you know the rest.

So now I reflect. As I drove down those streets, passed the same trees, milestones, old brick buildings, new mansions, I thought about what I wanted back then. I thought about what measure I used to mind success and I thought about where I thought I'd be.

And this wasn't it.

3 years ago I wanted to move to NYC (check), get a Masters degree (check), meet the man of my dreams (no check), live in an awesome apartment (check), live the city life (check), travel (check, check). Three years ago the things I wanted were what would have made me happiest. And of the list, the vast majority I received.

But what of happiness?

I have to say, if those were the things that were to make me happy, I was pretty damn right.

Because I am. Very much so. Happy.

I never thought I'd end up staying at NYU. I never thought I'd meet the people I ended up meeting, travel to the places I ended up visiting, arguing the facts which I now believe, drinking the teas which back then didn't exist. I never could have dreamed up this life. Although the road I took was so similar to what I thought, it turned out very different than what I imagined.

That's the things about dreams, sometimes they are meant to just stay there, in your memory.
Because what makes life worth living is-well living it. It'll never turn out how you imagined, but if you always keep, in the back of your mind, the scent of the trees and the bright eyes which
started you on this journey, life will turn out better. And the next time I'm nostolgic, I'll realize that it's not the suffering or the memories which you miss, its the ability to dream. And as I always say, "Anticipation is the purest form of pleasure"

Here's to today and living a life, which in three years, I'll be nostolgic for.

1 Comments:

Blogger Ruby Tuesday said...

I'm so happy to read this...welcome back! :)

10:39 AM  

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