Just Allow Me This...

New York City. The loneliest place on earth. Where all I really want, all I need is to be completed, fulfilled. Where one opportunity, maybe a year, maybe a lifetime would be worth living if only I allowed myself to feel. To let my guard down, to speak my mind, free my soul.. to experience the life I could never envision for myself.

To be noticed, to be savored. Just one chance, one measly opportunity, to finally enjoy my own skin.

But now you wish me invisibility, maybe its easier, maybe its harder. Maybe the fantasy alone makes the real livid, makes what you think this is, actually to be. But its not. Your world is not your fantasy, you have no idea.

If you don't allow me the opportunity , the ability to find out, just tell me now. Leave me be back to that which I knew. Stop testing me to test yourself.

Don't define it. Don’t allow it. Because I know deep that I just know, that I want to be miserable, really miserable because if that’s what it takes for me to be happy.. then allow me that. But let me do it, don't do it to me.

Maybe we should both go our separate ways and we'll be fine.. what if fine isn’t good enough, what if I want extraordinary. Our time is now...

Will I always wonder why I jumped, fallen.. deep.. but you wont even allow me that. Not even for a day... and when I catch a glimmer you take it away.. with your ration... and irony. and excuses...

I guess there are no rules, reasons... or anything that make this all make sense, justified.. reasons saved, lost.. but allow me that-the opportunity to find out, because it may be my only chance..

You don’t understand.. and I cant explain it like I cant explain any of this other stuff, just allow me this... allow me this....